


beloved

by plantyourtreeswithme



Series: je ne sais quoi? [3]
Category: Beauty and the Beast (2017)
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Gaston (Disney), Closeted Gaston (Disney), F/M, Gaston (Disney) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, M/M, Mutual Pining, Poor Lefou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-10-31 12:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10899141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantyourtreeswithme/pseuds/plantyourtreeswithme
Summary: Who says all fairy tales have happy endings?





	beloved

**Author's Note:**

> An expansion of [this playlist](https://beloved-lefou.tumblr.com/post/161110733617/plantyourtreeswithme-beloved-a-gafou-playlist) that I think I did a good job with.

_i.[first day of my life // bright eyes](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztGPYPArAyE) \- lefou is fourteen when he realizes that he thinks of gaston as a little more than just a friend._

For as long as he could remember, LeFou had found women strange - Mélite was different, of course, but she had  _always_ been different. Gaston's mother, Narcisse, did nothing but ogle at her own reflection all day, forgetting to wash her son's clothes, and the other women of Villeneuve were like that, too, all self-absorbed and ignorant of their own children.

They were idiots - quite honestly, Lefou didn't understand the appeal. So it came as no surprise that he had fallen in love with his best friend (who happened to be male).

He was relatively young when it happened: he was listening to Gaston babble about the future and settling down with a family and building a big house for all of his children when he realized that he wanted to be a part of that. LeFou wanted to help him build a home and prepare fresh game for dinner and read stories to him before they went to bed.

At the time, he wasn't really sure what that meant, though, so he pushed those thoughts away and focused on more important things.

 

* * *

 

  _ii.[i want to break free // queen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUOtCLOXgm8) \- gaston fights against the suffocating pressures of society. masculinity means damnation and an eternity of suppressing feelings that he's been conditioned to ignore since his birth._

When his father straggled home at three in the morning with another broad and his mother's livid howling echoed up the stairs, Gaston sighed and covered his ears. He couldn't afford to fall asleep in class for the umpteenth time; LeFou took notes for him out of habit now, and he didn't want his friend to go to all that trouble just for him. So he tried his best to ignore the high-pitched shrieking (especially that of the woman his father had brought home).

When his papa's friends came over for dinner and boasted of their sexual conquests in front of him, he paid them no mind and focused on his schoolwork. He didn't want to fall behind again - not when LeFou had been letting him copy his answers so much lately. So he borrowed his mother's expensive fur earmuffs and wore them without shame while Tom Senior described which dames were screamers and which ones kept quiet in bed.

When his mother found out about her husband's latest affair and chased him out of the house, he watched through the window and wished that his father didn't feel so compelled to inseminate other woman. Gaston didn't understand why one's virility was defined by the number of women they'd made love to, but he didn't question it. It was just one of those things that would never change, wasn't it?

(He didn't really get why his father didn't pursue men, too, but something told him that he should never bring that up.)

 

* * *

 

_iii.[hands down // the greeting committee](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3E6QfPUPoM) \- he's in love._

"What's love like?" he asked Mélite one day when his father was still at work. He never called her "Mama" or "Mother" or any other variants; Mélite was what Papa called her, and that was that.

"It's like sunshine," she said sweetly, "but in your chest. Or like missing the last step of a staircase - you think you've landed safely, but you haven't."

"Is it scary?"

Loving someone is putting their needs above yours, Lenore - of course it's scary."

"Are you and Papa in love?"

Mélite smiled sadly, pushed a thick, dark curl out of her face, and said, "Once upon a time, darling. Back when life still felt like a fairy tale."

"But don't all fairy tales have happy endings?" he asked.

She looked up again and set her knitting needles down. "Who told you that, Lenore?"

"I dunno," he said, wishing that she hadn't given him such a hopeful name. "Most of the ones I've heard work out in the end."

"You are too young to understand this," Mélite chided, "but no. Not all fairy tales have happy endings, and most _real_ stories don't have them, either."

LeFou nodded and kept her words in mind whenever he was around Gaston, remembering what his mother had said about  _putting their needs above yours_ when he helped his friend do laundry or let him copy his schoolwork or covered for him when he fell asleep in class.

 

* * *

 

_iv.[yours to keep // jordan mackampa](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-uOvaPt554) \- things are good; the two of them are best friends, and even though lefou wishes that they were more than that, he is content. they're only children, after all, and he can wait a little longer._

"You're my best friend, you know," Gaston said at the end of a particularly rowdy wrestling match, panting heavily.

LeFou grinned, his face red and his chest heaving. "I know," he replied, "and you're mine."

 

* * *

 

 _v.[something here // day wave](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5R9SlFF1J-8) \- he sees the look of joy on lefou's face when he sees gaston and he panics, because _ that's exactly how he looks at lefou _._

"Red or green, Gaston?"

He paid his mother no mind, staring at the market stall a few paces away. LeFou was waiting there patiently as his mother, Mélite, haggled with the merchant, a handful of  _livres_ glittering on her open palm. His friend didn't see him, but Gaston was fine with that; he could finally relax, his expression open and lovestruck.

"Gaston, I'm talking to you," his mother said, and he looked at her again, taking in the finely-sewn shirts she was showing him.

"I thought we couldn't afford new clothes, Mama," he said, refusing to tell her his preference. Whatever he said would be wrong, anyway, so what was the point?

"Well, it's a necessity. You're growing too fast, dear; none of your old tunics fit you anymore..."

LeFou was looking back with a brilliant smile on his face when Gaston turned to face him again, and he felt like he'd tripped and fallen flat on his face.

 

* * *

 

_vi.[sheep // mt. joy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xl1psdL6z0c) \- it's time for war._

"Have you enlisted yet?" he asked quietly, breaking the comfortable silence between them.

LeFou was quiet for a moment, content to sit under the tree and say nothing, but he finally answered with a nod.

Gaston hissed a curse that his mother would slap him for and ignored LeFou as he turned to look at him, shocked. "I thought you were going to stay in Villeneuve."

"You're not a man if you don't fight," LeFou remarked bitterly, and Gaston was stunned. Since when did LeFou conform to society's unspoken rules about what men could and couldn't do?

"I thought you were better than this," he said, hating how childlike he sounded. "I thought you were smart."

"Well, there's a reason they call me  _the fool_."

Gaston said nothing, his heart full of regret; then he reached for LeFou's -  _Lenore's_ \- shoulder and turned his companion so he could see his face.

" _LeFou_ is a term of endearment," he said fiercely. "It contradicts everything you are - wise, intelligent, funny..."

"Sort of sounds like Lenore, too."

Gaston laughed shakily and slung his arm around LeFou, gently pressing his friend's cheek into his shoulder. LeFou relaxed and let out a shuddering sigh, as on edge as Gaston was. They sat like that for a while, lapsing back into silence.

"I don't want you to come with me," he eventually said.

"I know. I don't want you to go, either, so I'll just follow you."

"I..."

"Shh," LeFou said, and Gaston relented, resting his own head on top of LeFou's and closing his eyes.

It wasn't much consolation, but it was enough.

 

* * *

 

_vii.[just tell me // nico yaryan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcd-GD7sCYY) \- gaston waits for lefou's confession, but it never comes._

He figured that since they were bound to die sometime soon, LeFou would tell him how he felt, but he didn't. And Gaston didn't blame him - if he wasn't one hundred percent sure that his feelings were returned, he risked death.

~~Gaston wasn't exactly sure that _his_ feelings were returned, either. But he had hope.~~

 

* * *

 

_viii.[now & then - sjowgren](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETE1Kqqx6II) \- lefou is always there, and for that, gaston is glad. when he feels his hands clench into fists and blood rush to his face, lefou speaks of the war, his voice soft and tranquil. and it helps. god, it helps so much._

"There was fear in their eyes when they looked at me, and when I killed them, their eyes stayed open -"

"I know, shh... it's okay, it's... everything's going to be fine."

Gaston was glad for the thin canvas walls that separated the two of them from the rest of the world. His troops couldn't know how afraid he truly was; that vulnerability was reserved only for LeFou. Only he could calm Gaston in the dead of night, wiping his forehead with a damp cloth and not saying anything when he pressed the back of LeFou's hand to his lips in place of thanks.

In the mornings, it was easy to pretend that nothing had happened. They would rise from the same claustrophobic cot and wash their faces together, and LeFou would rest his hand on his captain's shoulder, and Gaston would surprise his right-hand man by pulling him into a fierce embrace, cupping his head with a shaking palm...

 

* * *

 

_ix.[piledriver waltz // alex turner](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou1iMvB64oc) \- when they return from the war, gaston meets belle for the first time and... well, he's gone. lefou realizes this much too late._

_I should've known._

Maybe not saying anything for so many years was a mistake - they were adults now, after all, and he'd first known when they were  _children_ \- but he'd still rather live miserably than die.

So when LeFou noticed Gaston flirting openly with the girl who had just moved to the village, he didn't blame him. He'd probably given up on LeFou a long time ago.

 

* * *

 

_x.[celeste // ezra vine](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDip6DYnNVQ) \- he's not stupid; he sees the way lefou looks at him. but for years, nothing has ever come of it, and he's met this girl in villeneuve who looks like something out of a dream..._

Belle was beautiful and accessible and he wouldn't be killed for loving her. That's all it was.

 

* * *

 

_xi.[the man who sold the world // david bowie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSH--SJKVQQ) \- he's sold the world on his virility, but the problem is that he's sold himself, too._

LeFou quietly reached around Gaston and adjusted his stance so that the muzzle of his gun was tilted a little higher. Gaston barely moved to look down his sight at the stag; somehow, his friend had corrected his posture so accurately that he knew he would hit his target on the first try.

"Now," LeFou breathed, and he squeezed the trigger.

The buck reared its head and plowed into the ground, all semblance of elegance lost in its death throes.

 _"My, what a guy, that Gaston,"_ LeFou hummed as they approached the fallen beast, and Gaston faltered for a moment. LeFou didn't notice, kneeling next to the creature and checking for a pulse, his hair falling over his shoulder and his coat pulled above him.

For a moment, he was falling in love with LeFou all over again.

But then he remembered Belle and his plans to marry her, and his throat felt dry and his breath stale. He had left that other way of thinking years ago, hadn't he?

~~Or was it last month, or two weeks, or even yesterday?~~

~~Perhaps he'd never given up.~~

"Please don't say that."

LeFou turned to face him in a sweeping motion, pushing his hat out of his eyes. "Don't say what?" he asked, and Gaston couldn't help but be distracted by the buoyant curls framing his face.

"Never mind."

 

* * *

 

_xii.[a thousand times // hamilton leithauser + rostam](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzJQEsP5RPA) \- they struggle home from the tavern one night, terribly, ridiculously drunk. they spend the night at lefou's house, words of affection slipping between their lips much too easily. for some reason, lefou experiences the creeping sensation of déjà vu when he wakes up the next morning to find gaston next to him in bed._

Gaston came downstairs twenty minutes after LeFou had woken up and sat down at the kitchen table as if he lived there.

"Eggs?" he asked cheerfully, trying his best to ignore Gaston's bare chest.

"And tea, if you don't mind."

 

* * *

 

_xiii.[dark side // bishop briggs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akrnJEjUUm4) \- he's angry and greedy and he lusts for belle. not even lefou can calm him now._

She'd chosen a monster over  _him_.

"Gaston, please!" someone said from a distance, and he turned towards whoever was pulling on his sleeve. He almost didn't recognize LeFou at first, but the familiar frame and the customary pink bow told him that he was about to be stopped - and for once, he didn't care enough to let his best friend calm him down.

"Are you sure about this? Please, Gaston, think this through -"

_"Do you want to be next?"_

~~He would regret those words for the rest of his short, bittersweet life.~~

 

* * *

 

_xiv.[samson // regina spektor](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA2H8BMMflg) \- he looks down at gaston's battered body and feels numb._

"I'm so sorry," Stanley whispered, his fingers lingering on LeFou's shoulder.

He said nothing.

The body was Gaston's, no question -  _and once upon a time, it was mine, too,_ LeFou thought.

He didn't cry.

"Just... let it all out," Stanley urged, but he didn't. He couldn't.

 

* * *

 

 _xv.[all i want // kodaline](http://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Dn6BwAWiHcSg&t=N2M2NWExMWE2ZTY3OTU2MmRiNmFkYjcyZTIzZGIwZjllYTRkYjhjNyxzZ3FKS2FzRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AXdvIAZMpIEF3leaHydA22A&p=http%3A%2F%2Fplantyourtreeswithme.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F160116339977%2Fbeloved-a-gafou-playlist-gaston-lefou-first&m=1) \- lefou is in denial about the fall. _ he's just away on a hunting trip, _he thinks;_ he'll be back soon. _he waits for the familiar knock at his door, but it never comes. months pass, and still, he waits._

"Tea, darling?" Mrs. Potts asked, and for some reason, she looked utterly heartbroken when he turned away from the window to smile at her.

"Yes, please," he grinned, watching absentmindedly as she tipped the kettle over and poured the brew into a lovely teacup with floral print.

"Are you waiting for something, dear?" she asked, dropping a sugar cube into the cup with a small  _plip_ and bringing it over to him.

"Gaston," LeFou said, graciously accepting the drink. "Stanley says he's away on a hunting trip."

"Oh," Mrs. Potts remarked, "must be a long trip."

He nodded. "Someone said he's going away to the Americas to find some gold, but I'm not sure why he'd do that."

"Maybe so he can settle down with you at some point?"

"No, he's got his heart set on Belle."

"Well, that'll never happen, Belle's with - hang on, you're burning up, dear," she chided, resting her hand on his. "Has your fever grown worse?"

"I'm not sure. Stanley says I've been ill for a while now."

"Right, well, I'll go get something to warm you up, alright?"

She bustled off, and LeFou peered through the frosted windowpanes again, still hopeful. Any moment now, Gaston would be strutting through the gates, his hair tied back and a smile on his face...

 

* * *

 

_xvi.[it's alright // fractures](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kDvk951im0) \- when he finally cracks and realizes that gaston is never coming back, stanley comforts him._

 

* * *

 

_xvii.[chihiro // yoste](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh4WEDW2nsI) \- he learns and lives from his mistakes. stanley is good to him and holds him tight, but in his mind, gaston holds him even tighter._

"Comfortable, are we?"

He looked up at Stanley and grinned, putting his feet up on the ottoman in front of him. "Better now."

"C'mere," Stanley said from the front door, and LeFou begrudgingly stood, setting his book down on the table beside his armchair as he did. His fiancé greeted him with open arms and pressed a kiss to his forehead as LeFou settled into the hug, warm and content.

Gaston held him like this once; more than once, actually - he had made sure to throw a protective arm over him on the few occasions when they had shared a bed, and whenever LeFou was upset or dismayed, he would say, "Lenore, come here," and pull him into a bone-crushing embrace.

He held him as if he was afraid to let go.

"I love you," Stanley whispered ~~, and LeFou pretended not to hear~~.

 

* * *

 

_xviii.[letter to hermione // david bowie](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIBO7XS7pe8) \- from wherever he is now, gaston watches. he witnesses lefou's grief and the joy that stanley brings him. the love of his life smiles, and although gaston is bitter, he smiles, too._

_"He loved you, you know," his papa says with a sigh. "I think he still does."_

_"Is that a bad thing?"_

_"Well... I think he always has. And I think you've always loved him, too."_

_"Mmm."_

_Gaston looks up at his father after a moment and squints, trying to analyze his expression. "You didn't answer my question."_

_"No, Gaston, I don't think it's a bad thing."_

_"You used to," he says, his tone accusatory._

_"Yes, I did."_

_Masculinity means damnation and an eternity of suppressing feelings that he's been conditioned to ignore since his birth - but for once, he can forget all that. For once, loving LeFou_ isn't a bad thing _._

_His papa pats his hand, smiles, and puffs his cigar. Gaston doesn't respond, staring down at his bruised, discolored fingers._

_There is nothing more to be said._


End file.
